Today. Today. And today. I can clearly recall what happened on this very day last year. Another important person left my life, without telling me. I clearly remember that evening, the phone rang. It's from hometown. From mom's facial expression, I could tell something had happened. Something nasty. We rushed beck. My heart couldn’t stop beating. Could this be true? Or it wasjust another prank of cousins? On the high-speed roadway, only sirens of ambulances that passed by broke the silence in the car. No one spoke. Of nothing, but wait and pray.

I saw him lying on the armchair, motionless. His face covered. Sobs and weeps filled the atmosphere. I held his hands. Gently. Rest in peace, Ah Gong.

His rough wrinkled hands had been shaking when he gulped the water I poured. My heart ached, every time I saw him in such agony. I couldn't help but to try my best to accompany him whenever I've got time. At nights, I could hear him crying in bed. I knew the pain he had been suffering. But all I could was to sit beside him, hold his hands. At least, I thought, my warmth at those cold, torturing nights could cease his trembling.


It's been a year now. Things change so fast, Ah Gong. A year ago. I was the boy sitting next to you, telling you all the big dreams I held. A year after, I'm here, in London, faraway from home, faraway from you, faraway from grandma, to make my dreams come true, to make our family proud. But why? Why have you gone so early? You could have watched me took off. You could take care of ill grandma now. You could have finished off your Japanese era war story. I miss you, grandpa. How are you, in Heaven?

"This is university, not a pressure cooker." This is quoted from a Bollywood movie I watched recently. The three idiots in the movie has made my evenings rather emotional. They have brought me back to the days before I came here, to London, to this big University where you are so tiny little one and even insignificant as well. It's rather weird to see most of my course mates did not choose this course in the first place. They were offered by the department of materials, after being rejected by their course of preference. I'm shocked to see this.



You may have realized that my dull plain dry and tasteless way of writing is back. I've lost all my words, the ability to express my feelings in English. Where has it gone? Has photon banged into my head, and all the ideas and thoughts got excited to the atmosphere and vanished? Has my brain, in order to possess much lower Gibbs free energy, decided to become more diluted without me knowing? What had happened to me? The ability to think deep isn't within me, anymore. Now, I shut my eyes so tight, as though I'm Hiro Nakamura, trying to squeeze something out of my brain, even a tiny little fibrous mycelia strands of thought I wouldn't mind.

I had an awesome Christmas dinner, unexpected white New Year and a wonderful Birthday celebration over here. These are the days where I really enjoyed much, with bunch of friends. But as the sing-along songs we sung faded out, the fragrant smell of the curry died away, white fluffy snows on my head melted, all the laughter were carried home with everyone else, and when I'm back in my silent, dark attic room. Lots of thoughts ran in my head. Emotional moments were savored, accompanied by the beautiful sunset right outside my window.

I'm sorry for such long hiatus. It has been months since the last post. Have to keep you guys updated, ain't I?



1. I've been involved with Malaysian Society quite often. I'm now in lion dance team. Have to crawl up early every Saturday morning for practice. I'm the Lion's head. And I kept on changing my back, and I wonder why. People just can't be more consistent and disciplined. I've practicing hard for some stunts. Not easy I can say especially when you have to practice with that frigging heavy lion's head. But I just love it! At least I'm doing some exercise and I sweat a lot. And I'm doing things that normal folks can't do. The fact that when you really get the stunt correct and win the applause from your seniors is really thrilling. There will definitely be a lot of performance during Chinese New Year, and I'm so gonna be a part of the Lion Dance Performing Team. (Even the "Mainland" Chinese Society doesn't have their own Lion Dance team, how sad it is =X )
2. Besides Lion Dance, I too join the Mnite, which is, according to seniors, the most significant event in MSoc. I auditioned for acting, but to no avail. But the best thing is I get to take part in the opening dance, and I volunteered to do the ballroom dance. I'm just so fortunate to have a gorgeous partner, May Ling. Spinning, posture, steps, gesture, expression and most importantly the bonding between two are the parts that I savor in the dance. There are other dance coming up, and I'm doing one really CREEPY~~ dance, which is so sorrowful, expressive, soulful and …creepy! Haha. Well, "to get out of your comfort zone" and "don't worry you will get to wear mask on stage and people won't be able to tell who you are" are really the mantra Senior kept mumbling about during the practice. Hah! I didn't care much and just showed my gay-ous part deep down. All spilt in front of my friends, how embarrassing but yet fun!! LoL
3. I haven't for much chance to roam around London. I'm always stuck with my Lab Report during weekends. Sob.. T.T Studying in Imperial is so much fun, enjoying but stressful at the same time. You get to learn a lot of applicable knowledge, and they really expose you to the industrial world outside. I'm going on a visit to Nuclear Reactor next week. Even though I'm just 1st year, but my personal tutor get us to be part of the nuclear world by allowing us to attend Nuclear lectures which is supposed to aim for Year 3 and 4 Students.

Since the day I last-posted, I really feel better and start getting used to the loner life I have. I start making a lot more friends, making good buddies from our hall, mix well with my course mates and out going with some other people I met up randomly. Have wonderful plans but lousy execution. And here comes Christmas, the period that we all can take a deep breath. The holidays I've longed for! Alps, France here I come!!

What a Sorrowful Night! T.T

I couldn't believe I would cry on the phone today. Mom called this evening.

The moment I heard her voice through the cell phone, uncontrollably I broke into tears.

I wanted to tell her how much I miss her and Dad.
I wanted to tell her how much I miss the hot weather in Malaysia.
I wanted to tell her how much I miss her cooking. This is the first time I don't get to see my family for so many days.

She noticed that I was crying. She sounded confused too, keep on consoling me. I looked terribly ugly weeping in middle of Hyde Park. Perhaps some of the pedestrians have seen me. It's awfully embarrassing.

But I really miss my family much. I love them really much. I terribly want to hug them now.
I wish I could fly home immediately. But this is my choice after all. And I shan't give up half way. (Not even half way through!!)

Now I finally understand how did Chin Hau feel being away from family. I'm now experiencing the same ache in heart and torture in mental.

Hugs and warm consolation that's all I need from somebody out there, anyone will do.

Strength shall I obtain.
Courage shall I build from within.
There's nothing that can stop me. (You know that!)
Godspeed!

*P/S: I love you, Mom and Dad!
I love you, Sis and Bro!
Thanks for buying the discounted Dan Brown's copy for me! XD