Today. Today. And today. I can clearly recall what happened on this very day last year. Another important person left my life, without telling me. I clearly remember that evening, the phone rang. It's from hometown. From mom's facial expression, I could tell something had happened. Something nasty. We rushed beck. My heart couldn’t stop beating. Could this be true? Or it wasjust another prank of cousins? On the high-speed roadway, only sirens of ambulances that passed by broke the silence in the car. No one spoke. Of nothing, but wait and pray.

I saw him lying on the armchair, motionless. His face covered. Sobs and weeps filled the atmosphere. I held his hands. Gently. Rest in peace, Ah Gong.

His rough wrinkled hands had been shaking when he gulped the water I poured. My heart ached, every time I saw him in such agony. I couldn't help but to try my best to accompany him whenever I've got time. At nights, I could hear him crying in bed. I knew the pain he had been suffering. But all I could was to sit beside him, hold his hands. At least, I thought, my warmth at those cold, torturing nights could cease his trembling.


It's been a year now. Things change so fast, Ah Gong. A year ago. I was the boy sitting next to you, telling you all the big dreams I held. A year after, I'm here, in London, faraway from home, faraway from you, faraway from grandma, to make my dreams come true, to make our family proud. But why? Why have you gone so early? You could have watched me took off. You could take care of ill grandma now. You could have finished off your Japanese era war story. I miss you, grandpa. How are you, in Heaven?

"This is university, not a pressure cooker." This is quoted from a Bollywood movie I watched recently. The three idiots in the movie has made my evenings rather emotional. They have brought me back to the days before I came here, to London, to this big University where you are so tiny little one and even insignificant as well. It's rather weird to see most of my course mates did not choose this course in the first place. They were offered by the department of materials, after being rejected by their course of preference. I'm shocked to see this.



You may have realized that my dull plain dry and tasteless way of writing is back. I've lost all my words, the ability to express my feelings in English. Where has it gone? Has photon banged into my head, and all the ideas and thoughts got excited to the atmosphere and vanished? Has my brain, in order to possess much lower Gibbs free energy, decided to become more diluted without me knowing? What had happened to me? The ability to think deep isn't within me, anymore. Now, I shut my eyes so tight, as though I'm Hiro Nakamura, trying to squeeze something out of my brain, even a tiny little fibrous mycelia strands of thought I wouldn't mind.

I had an awesome Christmas dinner, unexpected white New Year and a wonderful Birthday celebration over here. These are the days where I really enjoyed much, with bunch of friends. But as the sing-along songs we sung faded out, the fragrant smell of the curry died away, white fluffy snows on my head melted, all the laughter were carried home with everyone else, and when I'm back in my silent, dark attic room. Lots of thoughts ran in my head. Emotional moments were savored, accompanied by the beautiful sunset right outside my window.