I ♥ M'sia!!

At first, it's funny to read silly political jokes that are posted in the front page of newspaper everyday. But, as time goes by, these same-old-story jokes that never seem to stop annoy me. I've sometimes lost faith in their leadership. Of course, that doesn't mean I've stopped loving Malaysia, my lovely home country. In fact, it's the other way round. As the fact that I'm going to study abroad is dominating my life now, my passion and love for her, somehow, have grown stronger and stronger.

After all the encounters in BTN camp, I've started changing. Things aren't as simple as what I used to think. They seemed much complicated when you're in different shoes. You'll see how different people view something, some issues from their point of view. It is all affected by the "Environment" that they've been living, by the "Culture" that they've adopted since young, and by the "Perception" that they've been adoring. What's the whole point then, when we all have this Vision 2020, when we all are introduced this 1Malaysia concept? Are we going to change? Are we going to abandon the norms and be the so-called odds?

It all depends on what's inside you. And, at this moment, faith will tell.

On this 52nd National Day, I've got a new start. I no longer see myself as a Chinese, nor am I going to admit a Malay, not even an Indian. I call myself Malaysian, a truly Malaysian, proudly. The camp which seemed to have chipped patriotism from everyone, instead has sharpened and polished my loyalty towards this country. What have been implanted in me are the momentous scenes from the movie they played, (I've forgotten what's the title of the movie). Moment of how Kings and their people fighting for freedom, moment of establishment of strong bond between all races, moment when everyone regardless of skin color shouting "Merdeka!".

These are the moments I miss most. There are too, I believe, the memory Yasmin Ahmad cherishes. She is the Hero of us all. She is the Great One I adore. She speaks of what's in my mind. She portrays the picture in my head. She's always good at it. Being good at telling stories, being good at pulling the strings all around the ones involved, being good at delivering the reality and ideality. Harmony, peace, loving, caring, tolerance, respect and family. These are the things in us that she sees, oh no, saw.

Regrettably, she couldn’t celebrate this special day together with us. What she left for us is a not-even-five-minute Chocolate as blessing.

R.I.P Yasmin.

BTN? Hmm..

Time frame: 17th-21st August 2009

I was forced to take part in the notorious BTN camp. Some of you might have heard of this government propaganda. I first heard of it from Chucky. Not much to comment about as it's all disappointment and frustration aroused from what they deliver. I was allocated at the camp in Ulu Sepri, Negeri Sembilan. Yeah, a place near my hometown. It's basically a nice, peaceful and bird-chirping-can-be-heard-every-morning place, IF AND ONLY IF the crappy talk and nonsense presentation are cut away. No matter how, I am still grateful for what they'd planned for us. It's not as aggressive as what has been told by Chucky, maybe because they have changed their module into the theme of '1Malaysia'. The experience in the camp is definitely an eye-opener to me. More importantly, the urge inside me to change myself and alter this system is pounding harder and harder. "Change we believe!"

'Stimulated by Rejection'

I'm free-falling into this hole with unknown depth. 'Stimulated by rejection'. Laughing at my stupidity. Wondering what's been stimulated? Ah, it's the wound on my heart. Rejection has casted a stab into it, the throbbing hard and once healthy aortal organ. How many beers, how many Swiss chocolate, they couldn't intoxicate me. Not a bit. Kill me instead. Let it be fast and swift. Somebody, please. Sorrow keeps tossing me deeper into the hole. Sorrow compresses my lungs so hard, so hard that I'm suffocating at this singularity. Am I savouring it then? What are the chances of escaping it?

King's Crossroad?!

And here I am
in front of crossroads.
All options lead to nowhere,
mystical, uncertain destination.

And here I am,
Reminded of how Laughing Gor
Used his 5 dollar coin
To help deciding his pick

And I'm here
Before the signboard
50-cent coin in hand I hold

The sky is blue,
The sun is no where to be seen,
Hidden behind the thick pearly white cloud,
The decent scent of freshly mowed field.

Three tosses
I say
Head to North, Tail to South.

First toss,
*pring*
The coin flips in the air,
Flicker of hope
Lies between the two faces.
It drops to the ground
There it lies
Head it is.

Second toss, head too. I'm feeling lucky?!
Third toss, head AGAIN!
Head North, that is.

I'm determined
Looking at the three heads I scored.
I do the Maths,
Probability if getting 3 heads in a row,
1/6=12.5%.
Lucky I am?
Or this is His choice for me?

Who cares?
Go for it, I say.

And so,
I got my ticket punched.
Get ready for my journey to the North.
Place of full mysteries.
Place of full lures.
Place of full rocks and vines.
Place of adventure.

So long to this place I call home.