Mannequin (Not Kate Perry's version, but it sings on the point of view of mannequin himself)

How do I get closer to you?
Whenever you walked pass me,
Your hotness had
My vision gone blurry.

I can't bear the hot flushes
Whenever you complaint my face
Was all fake blushes
I just knew that I've got crushes
With you and your brushes

'cause I'm not a man,
But I'm just a mannequin,
I wish that I could tell you
That my love is real
But my mouth got sealed.

What is this feeling of me?
Am I not me anymore?

I dreamt about you all night
Is my emotion still alright?
But I've got nothing to hide
'cause I'm always ready for you to ride

I wish I could grab
You and runaway
Away from your pestering manager
Away from your pity wages

'cause I'm not a man,
But I'm just a mannequin,
I wish that I could tell you
That my love is real
But my mouth got sealed.

I know that I've got only expire warranty
And a mountain of broken limbs
With me has no guarantee
You can only have breakfast with tea.

I don't want to be just a toy
God, can you make me a real real boy
To protect the gorgeous I truly love

I keep praying until the day she dies
And I still ain't a man.

Everything around turns muted
The moment you tell me the truth
I can hear my aortal organ
Free-falls then shatters
Like balloon filled with water splashes to the floor.

That afternoon
On the green spongy lawn
Where picnic mat was laid
I brought you your favorite sandwiches
And wine
I got my love speech memorized
I waited to play
For you
But you never came.

That night
I got the flowers
That you once said you liked
I had our conversation planed
Every words and sweet praises
Hoping you'll appear
At the front door of cinema
With the ticket clutched in hand
But you never came.

I waited all the while
You never came.

Today. Today. And today. I can clearly recall what happened on this very day last year. Another important person left my life, without telling me. I clearly remember that evening, the phone rang. It's from hometown. From mom's facial expression, I could tell something had happened. Something nasty. We rushed beck. My heart couldn’t stop beating. Could this be true? Or it wasjust another prank of cousins? On the high-speed roadway, only sirens of ambulances that passed by broke the silence in the car. No one spoke. Of nothing, but wait and pray.

I saw him lying on the armchair, motionless. His face covered. Sobs and weeps filled the atmosphere. I held his hands. Gently. Rest in peace, Ah Gong.

His rough wrinkled hands had been shaking when he gulped the water I poured. My heart ached, every time I saw him in such agony. I couldn't help but to try my best to accompany him whenever I've got time. At nights, I could hear him crying in bed. I knew the pain he had been suffering. But all I could was to sit beside him, hold his hands. At least, I thought, my warmth at those cold, torturing nights could cease his trembling.


It's been a year now. Things change so fast, Ah Gong. A year ago. I was the boy sitting next to you, telling you all the big dreams I held. A year after, I'm here, in London, faraway from home, faraway from you, faraway from grandma, to make my dreams come true, to make our family proud. But why? Why have you gone so early? You could have watched me took off. You could take care of ill grandma now. You could have finished off your Japanese era war story. I miss you, grandpa. How are you, in Heaven?

"This is university, not a pressure cooker." This is quoted from a Bollywood movie I watched recently. The three idiots in the movie has made my evenings rather emotional. They have brought me back to the days before I came here, to London, to this big University where you are so tiny little one and even insignificant as well. It's rather weird to see most of my course mates did not choose this course in the first place. They were offered by the department of materials, after being rejected by their course of preference. I'm shocked to see this.



You may have realized that my dull plain dry and tasteless way of writing is back. I've lost all my words, the ability to express my feelings in English. Where has it gone? Has photon banged into my head, and all the ideas and thoughts got excited to the atmosphere and vanished? Has my brain, in order to possess much lower Gibbs free energy, decided to become more diluted without me knowing? What had happened to me? The ability to think deep isn't within me, anymore. Now, I shut my eyes so tight, as though I'm Hiro Nakamura, trying to squeeze something out of my brain, even a tiny little fibrous mycelia strands of thought I wouldn't mind.

I had an awesome Christmas dinner, unexpected white New Year and a wonderful Birthday celebration over here. These are the days where I really enjoyed much, with bunch of friends. But as the sing-along songs we sung faded out, the fragrant smell of the curry died away, white fluffy snows on my head melted, all the laughter were carried home with everyone else, and when I'm back in my silent, dark attic room. Lots of thoughts ran in my head. Emotional moments were savored, accompanied by the beautiful sunset right outside my window.